End of an era

Ahhhh yes, 10 weeks of required blogging is finally coming to an end. When I started this, I was pretty sure that I'd be leaping for joy while typing this last one. I had somewhat of an "F* Blogs" kind of mentality, because I felt that most people just blog b/c they just LOVE to hear themselves talk and they think other people should be listening to them at all times. Then, I realized that I missed my calling, because I AM one of those people! So, that being said, writing this blog that my class instructor (thanks Ms. Smith for all the nice comments) and no one else reads has been fairly enjoyable. Not to mention, I just took the GMAT and kicked the crap out of the verbal section, and much of that has to do with instruction in this class and writing this blog. So BOOYA!

If you have read my blog this semester, you know that I've had a tough couple months. I don't mean to say that writing this blog has cured all my feelings of loss and sadness, but it definitely provided me another outlet and for that I am thankful. Things have settled down on that front and I do feel a little better. Everyone knows that there are those moments when it all comes WHOOSHING back, but for the most part, we're soldiering on.

When I read my previous entries, I realize that most of them are at least a little pretentious. I'm not 100% positive if that was intended or not, but I surely sound like quite the know-it-all. But, then again, I think that's the part of the blog that I just wrapped my arms around and embraced because it is so me! I've said a few times in my entries that I'll make them short, and when I go back and look, most of them are like 6 paragraphs or something. C'mon, who wants to read that much? But, I love to hear myself talk/type so the info just keeps flowing. But, tonight, I will hold true to my word and end here.

Oh wait, I haven't talked about politics yet. F* politics and f* politicians. I get all my world news from ESPN.

What's that you say? You want me to write a haiku about blogs? okaaaaaaay...I'm really going to be done after this though.

Feigning emotion
Or maybe it's all sincere
You will never know

Race Across the Sky

A couple of my best friends are near-avid to avid cyclists, and very rarely does an opportunity present itselt to go to a movie theater for a cycling documetary. Oh, JOY! I'd seen the preview online and honestly it look mildly enterataining. So, I agreed to go even though included in the online preview was an associated video complete with spoiler ending. Oh well, it still looked exciting. I meet my friends outside the theater and we roll up to the ticket window and expect the normal price-gouge. Instead the worker says "12.50". At first, we thought we got a deal. "Just one actually," we tell her. It was more than a little embarrassing when she said, "That IS for one." $12.50!! Are you serious?! I know it's a special engagement, but that's ridiculous. Of course, cycling is clearly a sport for the affluent so looking back, I suppose the price was apropo.

The theater was pretty packed once we got in. The people in the theater all had something in common...the black Northface jacket, the khakis, the sunglasses. All the tell-tale signs of a cycling D-bag. One jerk even had an oversized belt-buckle with his otherwise uniform look. What a tool! I bet that was his Porsche Turbo in the parking lot too. This is starting to sound increasingly like sour grapes. I would love to have a Porsche Turbo with the roof rack and bike on top. Few things are cooler than that.

So, we sit down to watch this film and the lights go down. True to form, some jerk-face walks in late and has to push his way past us, the whole time making an asshole of himself so that people will notice him. He is, OUTLOUD, pointing to and announcing every concession he's bringing into the theater. How ridiculous. I already wanna kick this guy. Dear God, the belt-buckle guy is sitting right behind me. Personal hell: complete.

So, we're watching the movie. It's mildly entertaining in the beginning. The race director gives an inspirational speech, and shows the prize for completing this daunting task of a race. What? it's a really big custom belt buckle? I think I've made a huge mistake. Yeah, the guy sitting behind me actually rode in this race and FINISHED the freaking thing. 100 miles, at 14,000 feet of elevation, at 32 degrees, in one day on a mountain bike. That's insane. All of a sudden, I'm envious of the guy behind me, and I feel like a total jerk for judging him so quickly. He put in some serious work for that race and deserves some credit.

Ok, so the movie wasn't nearly as riveting as the preview let on. Lance Armstrong won by 30 minutes (an eternity) and, aside from some stunning videography, the action was pretty dull. No big wrecks; pretty much just a lot of bike riding. So, after Lance collects his trophy, they wrap up the movie and our $12.50 movie experience seems to have been worth about $6.75. But wait, walk-in-late-announce-your-snack-guy is at it again!

This time, the bastard took an entire large popcorn and threw it up in the air so that it fell all over the theater floor. Somebody has to clean that up, and he's just being a jerk. I go into little-man defense mode and stare this guy right in his face. I tell him from about 10 feet away that that was a "dick move" and keep staring in his face, but can't get his attention. He's much too involved with how hilarious he is to be concerned with me or my opinions on his actions.

Turns out, my cycling friend knows this character and agrees that he is a tool. BUT, he also is an amateur boxer. Boy, I'm on fire tonight! I judge the guy for his belt buckle and then idolize him, I pay $13 for a 1 hour biking documentary, and tried to pick a fight with a boxer. However, when we got to Applebee's after the show it was after 9 so appetizers were 1/2 price and beer was a dollar. I had a grande chicken quesadilla and 4 beers and it was less than 10 dollars. That was the one good decision of the night, but, by damn, it was a good one!

This Is It

When the movie review for "This Is It," the documentary about Michael Jackson's preparation for his final tour, was released on Slate.com, I expected the normal hate-mongering or thumb-biting blabbery of film critics. The article, http://www.slate.com/id/2233842/, written by Dana Stevens truly surprised me. The article (apparently like the movie) is earnest and heart-felt and a joy to read. It's truly a tribute to an entertainer who lived a life more difficult than any of us can imagine.

I realize that few public figures (including the President of the U.S.) have been as polarizing as Michael Jackson. Admittedly, I'm an MJ fan. I've always been a fan. However, that doesn't preclude me from realizing the real possibility of truth in the terrible allegations against him. However, as I stated above, I can't imagine the difficulties this tortured soul endured despite all his financial success and celebrity. Michael Jackson produced musical brilliance, and for that I appreciate him. I do not purport to have known him personally, so I make no opinions on his personal affairs. He will have to answer for his transgressions if they are indeed true.

What I'm interested in, is how this movie turned out. When I first heard the movie was being released, I jumped to the same conclusion as everyone else: They're jumping on the money train so they can ride it one last time. Apparently, the author of the article felt the same way. However, the article paints a different picture of a masterpiece that pays homage to the show that Michael Jackson The Entertainer so dilligently prepared but will never get the chance to perform.

I don't expect everyone to rush to the theater to pay their respects to Michael Jackson, and I'm not tryin to change anyone's mind about him. However, I'm relieved that the director of "This Is It" has a soul and apparently is willing to use it. I just know that Michael Jackson put on a hell of a show, and when he died, the world lost that. This movie keeps at least of piece of that brilliance alive. What else was lost is up for interpretation.

Homecoming 2009

I'm not exactly sure how many people get to revisit their own high school days every once in a while, but my wife and I do more than most I imagine. My wife, Jamie, graduated from a small private school called Glenbrook in Minden in 1999. After an arduous college journey, she graduated a couple years ago and started looking for jobs. Lo and behold, a teaching position had become available at her old school. She briefly interviewed with the Assistant Headmaster and was offered the job soon after. So, she now teaches AT her old high school WITH many of her old teachers.

Being a young teacher (I consider 28 still "young"), she regularly is assisgned all the responsibilities that the older teachers had their fills of many years ago. The homecoming festivities are a prime example. For the entire month of October, Jamie is neck-deep in planning and coordinating for the all the events of the homecoming week. These events are capped by the coup de grace....chaperoning the homecoming dance. Of course, she needs help with this responsibility, so I get the pleasure of tagging along.

It's strange to watch all the kids at the dance going through all the things that all of us went through ourselves in those days. I forget what a critical time that is in our maturation and development, and you can actually see it happening all around you. The shy kids testing the waters of the dance floor; the "cool" kids pushing the envelope of what's acceptable; the young kids being dominated by the upperclassmen; some boys searching for the nerve to approach girls; while other boys approach the girls like ravenous wolves.

These moments in our lives are more important that I previously have surmised. It was because of events similar to these in my own high school days that I was able to break out of a shell I'd been living my whole life. It's my love for dancing (and being good at it helps a lot) that kind of got me out there and mingling with the people. I was not accustomed to these very social moments, but after a few of them, my life had taken off. That being said, it's difficult for me to stand on the sidelines of the dance and act professional and adultish.

The dance was last night and I did better staying on the sidelines than I had the previous year. I even got on to a few kids for certain inappropriate moments, and definitely felt much more "in charge." I mean, I still had to do the line dances and a few the songs that have dances that accompany them. The kids really love it and try to make me get out there more, but I don't want to give any rogue parents any ammo against my wife. Unfortunately, these things really happen. But, last year was a totally different story. Jamie and I were much closer with last year's senior class, and two of the members of the class INSISTED that I have a dance off with one of them. That might sound inappropriate (it probably was looking back), but I couldn't resist the challenge.

After a brief battle with the high-school senior who's 9 years my junior, I remember one thing. It's hard to explain the pressure and the thrill of being surrounded by a circle of people (high schoolers or not) who are fixed on your every move at a moment like that. Luckily, my dance partner was a rowdy kid and garnered a lot of the attention. Case in point, I was soundly beating him in the dance competition so he took his shirt off and started jumping around crazy, so that gave me a reason to end it and to get him to calm down. Honestly, for me, it was like being in high school again, except WAAAAAAAY cooler this time.

I say all that to say this. We often look back and see our high school days as torturous (I do), but honestly, they were vital to our development of who we are today. Maybe in high school, we broke out of a shell, made huge mistakes and learned from them, had the time of your life, were miserable for four years, saw first-hand the kind of person you wanted to be, or just coasted through. Either way, it was more important than we realize and watching a bunch of 14-18 year-olds interacting with each in a social setting will bring all those memories rushing back. I suppose many people don't get the chance to go back into an environment like this, but I kind of wish everyone could. It's liberating to go back armed with 10 or so years of life experience and see all those awkward moments through much older eyes.

Brain Mush Jones

Sooooooooooooo, I was at work this morning at 7:15 for meetings that lasted till just before noon. Got home from work about 5:30 and picked up dinner (high point of day- Johnny's pizza), and I've been working on my reading summaries for the last four hours. Now, it's 11:41 PM and my brain is OFFICIALLY zapped-out mush. I'm having a very difficult time writing anything clever so I think I'll just talk about the plans for the uber-weekend ahead.

Tomorrow night is my friend's wife's birthday funstravaganza at Buffalo Wild Wings then dancetron x.7 to follow. Ok, I can't back up the dancetron part, but the funstravaganza is a go for 110% positive. Then Saturday, my wife and I are taking a short road trip over to Tyler, TX to get scammed by The Villages Resort time share salespeople. My name was drawn and I have a chance (1:53,103) of winning a new car! More than likely, I'll spend 4 hours of my Saturday saying "no" over and over again to schmoozy salespeople. But all in all it still feels like it will be fun. Then Saturday night I have free tickets to see the black crowes at the Horseshoe and 8 free drink tickets. Then Sunday, I've got family dinner with my dad's family and then dinner with my mom's family. Holy crap, this is gonna be a weekend that's thabomb.com.

My brain is now feeling strangely more engaged. It must be time to go to bed. Yep, it is.

The Child's Mind

I heard an intensely interesting conversation today at lunch. I was eating BBQ by myself and my booth faced a family of four, but not the family of four you're thinking of. It seemed to be a mother and child, and a grandfather and grandmother. I ate spicy sauce and beans and watched the grandfather playfully teasing the young boy (probably 4ish years old). They arm-wrestled, the boy stole the grandfather's hat, and they talked. I was astonished at how wonderful the grandfather was with his grandson. I must admit that I was a little jealous, because I never reallfy had a grandfather. But, as usual, I digress.

Back to the conversation. The mother is telling the story of a relative "Olivia" (cousin it sounded like) coming to visit her son. The son obviously was super-pumped about this prospect and began questioning the mother on when his cousin would arrive. So, the mother told this story...

"He asked me if Olivia (or something like that) was coming to visit him today. I told him that she would be coming tomorrow. He then asked if that would be tonight and I tried to explain to him that it would not be today but the next day. He then asked that if he laid down and went to sleep, when he woke up would that be tomorrow? (They all laughed...the grandson smiling blissfully beside his mother) I told him that's exactly when tomorrow would be and he laid down and went to sleep. The next day we were walking and he asked me if Olivia was coming today. I told him yes and he said, 'Oh, so today is tomorrow?' (Insert more laughter here)"

This is not only a cute story; it really got me thinking. At what point in a child's life do they realize the difference in today and tomorrow? When I think about the concept of tomorrow, I admit that I can see how it would be confusing. Tomorrow really never comes. Tomorrow only exists in concept. We know about today. We see today every stinking day. But, tomorrow is a trickier creature to pin down. Each today that comes brings with it its OWN tomorrow. But, clearly, at some point, the child gains the ability to recognize that tomorrow BECOMES today and that each today has a NEW tomorrow. I have to wonder if the child has the classis "AHA!" moment or simply falls peacefully into understanding. Either of these prospects seems viable to me, but I'm leaning toward the latter. I lean that direction because isn't this what happens to us all in everyday life all the time? Don't we all simply "pick things up" as we go? The difference between today and tomorrow does not seem very abstract to us now, but, then again, we're not four years old.

***** END OF BLOG *****

It's been a stressful week or three, so I feel the urge to stop writing and just think....on paper...or computer screen I guess. Something that feels light and without defined purpose. Don't read if you don't want to. Just my own quest for catharsis I guess.

Understanding drifts to me slowly like a leaf on a patient autumn breeze.
Patient like a weary mother soothing an uneasy infant.
Uneasy like a forlorn son searching endlessly for new direction.
Endless like the abiding love poured out by a dutiful wife.
Dutiful like a soldier counting down the precious days.
Precious like the hidden diamonds buried deep in the coal.
Deep and angry like the tossings of the turbulent sea.
Turbulent like the throws of my wonderful life.
Wonderful like the peace that arrives with understanding.

LIVE YOUR FREAKIN LIFE

Ok, people, I'm going to make this one brief. I'm not sure how many of my classmates actually read this, so I apologize to my group members if this sounds a lot like my most recent essay. My mom passed away a week ago today. She was riding a freaking tractor and it flipped over and killed her. Give me a break. Does this stuff really happen? Have I really lost both my parents before my 29th birthday? '

However, my mom truly goes to rest with no regrets. She lived according to her own philosophy that every moment she was alive could very well be her last. She rebuilt some burned bridges, forgave unforgiveable wrongs, and went the extra 48 miles to make sure that everyone knew how much she cared about them. It's like she knew from the get-go that she didn't have as much time on earth as the rest of us. The annoying forwards, the endless phone calls to check on us, the intense love that was admittedly a little off-putting. All of it enabled her to leave this world in peace.

At her funeral, there were so many people that several didn't even make it inside the church. What a testament to the love for a person. What a testament to how many people she reached in her life. Funny stories, sad moments, and fond memories all were present as well. Her life had been a wild ride, but ended with high notes all around. First grandchild, wonderful vacation, successful and happy children, and a great peace in her heart.

I challenge myself and all of you to live the same way. I'm already going to stay with my low-paying job b/c it enables me to spend more time with my family. I'm not moving anywhere so i can be around my brother and his new baby, who I love dearly. I'm not obligated from guilt, but by love. Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them, don't go to bed angry, if you burn a bridge take the time to rebuild it, and mend your broken relationships. It's worth it. It's worth humbling yourself. The selflessness you show will bless you like it did my mother.

Some people have no relationship with their mother and father. Some have terrible ones. i have none b/c they are both dead. However, I'll take my 28 happy years and the lessons I've learned and call myself lucky. Maybe it's not fair to have them taken from me so young, but what's fair? What's enough for us? Should have lived and been ravaged by cancer like my dad? Or survived the accident to be wheelchair bound the rest of her days? No freaking way. Not her. My heart breaks, but I am hopeful. Tears fall, but I smile. I was unlucky, but I am lucky. I miss her deeply, but I know her place is in heaven. She earned it.