End of an era

Ahhhh yes, 10 weeks of required blogging is finally coming to an end. When I started this, I was pretty sure that I'd be leaping for joy while typing this last one. I had somewhat of an "F* Blogs" kind of mentality, because I felt that most people just blog b/c they just LOVE to hear themselves talk and they think other people should be listening to them at all times. Then, I realized that I missed my calling, because I AM one of those people! So, that being said, writing this blog that my class instructor (thanks Ms. Smith for all the nice comments) and no one else reads has been fairly enjoyable. Not to mention, I just took the GMAT and kicked the crap out of the verbal section, and much of that has to do with instruction in this class and writing this blog. So BOOYA!

If you have read my blog this semester, you know that I've had a tough couple months. I don't mean to say that writing this blog has cured all my feelings of loss and sadness, but it definitely provided me another outlet and for that I am thankful. Things have settled down on that front and I do feel a little better. Everyone knows that there are those moments when it all comes WHOOSHING back, but for the most part, we're soldiering on.

When I read my previous entries, I realize that most of them are at least a little pretentious. I'm not 100% positive if that was intended or not, but I surely sound like quite the know-it-all. But, then again, I think that's the part of the blog that I just wrapped my arms around and embraced because it is so me! I've said a few times in my entries that I'll make them short, and when I go back and look, most of them are like 6 paragraphs or something. C'mon, who wants to read that much? But, I love to hear myself talk/type so the info just keeps flowing. But, tonight, I will hold true to my word and end here.

Oh wait, I haven't talked about politics yet. F* politics and f* politicians. I get all my world news from ESPN.

What's that you say? You want me to write a haiku about blogs? okaaaaaaay...I'm really going to be done after this though.

Feigning emotion
Or maybe it's all sincere
You will never know

Race Across the Sky

A couple of my best friends are near-avid to avid cyclists, and very rarely does an opportunity present itselt to go to a movie theater for a cycling documetary. Oh, JOY! I'd seen the preview online and honestly it look mildly enterataining. So, I agreed to go even though included in the online preview was an associated video complete with spoiler ending. Oh well, it still looked exciting. I meet my friends outside the theater and we roll up to the ticket window and expect the normal price-gouge. Instead the worker says "12.50". At first, we thought we got a deal. "Just one actually," we tell her. It was more than a little embarrassing when she said, "That IS for one." $12.50!! Are you serious?! I know it's a special engagement, but that's ridiculous. Of course, cycling is clearly a sport for the affluent so looking back, I suppose the price was apropo.

The theater was pretty packed once we got in. The people in the theater all had something in common...the black Northface jacket, the khakis, the sunglasses. All the tell-tale signs of a cycling D-bag. One jerk even had an oversized belt-buckle with his otherwise uniform look. What a tool! I bet that was his Porsche Turbo in the parking lot too. This is starting to sound increasingly like sour grapes. I would love to have a Porsche Turbo with the roof rack and bike on top. Few things are cooler than that.

So, we sit down to watch this film and the lights go down. True to form, some jerk-face walks in late and has to push his way past us, the whole time making an asshole of himself so that people will notice him. He is, OUTLOUD, pointing to and announcing every concession he's bringing into the theater. How ridiculous. I already wanna kick this guy. Dear God, the belt-buckle guy is sitting right behind me. Personal hell: complete.

So, we're watching the movie. It's mildly entertaining in the beginning. The race director gives an inspirational speech, and shows the prize for completing this daunting task of a race. What? it's a really big custom belt buckle? I think I've made a huge mistake. Yeah, the guy sitting behind me actually rode in this race and FINISHED the freaking thing. 100 miles, at 14,000 feet of elevation, at 32 degrees, in one day on a mountain bike. That's insane. All of a sudden, I'm envious of the guy behind me, and I feel like a total jerk for judging him so quickly. He put in some serious work for that race and deserves some credit.

Ok, so the movie wasn't nearly as riveting as the preview let on. Lance Armstrong won by 30 minutes (an eternity) and, aside from some stunning videography, the action was pretty dull. No big wrecks; pretty much just a lot of bike riding. So, after Lance collects his trophy, they wrap up the movie and our $12.50 movie experience seems to have been worth about $6.75. But wait, walk-in-late-announce-your-snack-guy is at it again!

This time, the bastard took an entire large popcorn and threw it up in the air so that it fell all over the theater floor. Somebody has to clean that up, and he's just being a jerk. I go into little-man defense mode and stare this guy right in his face. I tell him from about 10 feet away that that was a "dick move" and keep staring in his face, but can't get his attention. He's much too involved with how hilarious he is to be concerned with me or my opinions on his actions.

Turns out, my cycling friend knows this character and agrees that he is a tool. BUT, he also is an amateur boxer. Boy, I'm on fire tonight! I judge the guy for his belt buckle and then idolize him, I pay $13 for a 1 hour biking documentary, and tried to pick a fight with a boxer. However, when we got to Applebee's after the show it was after 9 so appetizers were 1/2 price and beer was a dollar. I had a grande chicken quesadilla and 4 beers and it was less than 10 dollars. That was the one good decision of the night, but, by damn, it was a good one!

This Is It

When the movie review for "This Is It," the documentary about Michael Jackson's preparation for his final tour, was released on Slate.com, I expected the normal hate-mongering or thumb-biting blabbery of film critics. The article, http://www.slate.com/id/2233842/, written by Dana Stevens truly surprised me. The article (apparently like the movie) is earnest and heart-felt and a joy to read. It's truly a tribute to an entertainer who lived a life more difficult than any of us can imagine.

I realize that few public figures (including the President of the U.S.) have been as polarizing as Michael Jackson. Admittedly, I'm an MJ fan. I've always been a fan. However, that doesn't preclude me from realizing the real possibility of truth in the terrible allegations against him. However, as I stated above, I can't imagine the difficulties this tortured soul endured despite all his financial success and celebrity. Michael Jackson produced musical brilliance, and for that I appreciate him. I do not purport to have known him personally, so I make no opinions on his personal affairs. He will have to answer for his transgressions if they are indeed true.

What I'm interested in, is how this movie turned out. When I first heard the movie was being released, I jumped to the same conclusion as everyone else: They're jumping on the money train so they can ride it one last time. Apparently, the author of the article felt the same way. However, the article paints a different picture of a masterpiece that pays homage to the show that Michael Jackson The Entertainer so dilligently prepared but will never get the chance to perform.

I don't expect everyone to rush to the theater to pay their respects to Michael Jackson, and I'm not tryin to change anyone's mind about him. However, I'm relieved that the director of "This Is It" has a soul and apparently is willing to use it. I just know that Michael Jackson put on a hell of a show, and when he died, the world lost that. This movie keeps at least of piece of that brilliance alive. What else was lost is up for interpretation.

Homecoming 2009

I'm not exactly sure how many people get to revisit their own high school days every once in a while, but my wife and I do more than most I imagine. My wife, Jamie, graduated from a small private school called Glenbrook in Minden in 1999. After an arduous college journey, she graduated a couple years ago and started looking for jobs. Lo and behold, a teaching position had become available at her old school. She briefly interviewed with the Assistant Headmaster and was offered the job soon after. So, she now teaches AT her old high school WITH many of her old teachers.

Being a young teacher (I consider 28 still "young"), she regularly is assisgned all the responsibilities that the older teachers had their fills of many years ago. The homecoming festivities are a prime example. For the entire month of October, Jamie is neck-deep in planning and coordinating for the all the events of the homecoming week. These events are capped by the coup de grace....chaperoning the homecoming dance. Of course, she needs help with this responsibility, so I get the pleasure of tagging along.

It's strange to watch all the kids at the dance going through all the things that all of us went through ourselves in those days. I forget what a critical time that is in our maturation and development, and you can actually see it happening all around you. The shy kids testing the waters of the dance floor; the "cool" kids pushing the envelope of what's acceptable; the young kids being dominated by the upperclassmen; some boys searching for the nerve to approach girls; while other boys approach the girls like ravenous wolves.

These moments in our lives are more important that I previously have surmised. It was because of events similar to these in my own high school days that I was able to break out of a shell I'd been living my whole life. It's my love for dancing (and being good at it helps a lot) that kind of got me out there and mingling with the people. I was not accustomed to these very social moments, but after a few of them, my life had taken off. That being said, it's difficult for me to stand on the sidelines of the dance and act professional and adultish.

The dance was last night and I did better staying on the sidelines than I had the previous year. I even got on to a few kids for certain inappropriate moments, and definitely felt much more "in charge." I mean, I still had to do the line dances and a few the songs that have dances that accompany them. The kids really love it and try to make me get out there more, but I don't want to give any rogue parents any ammo against my wife. Unfortunately, these things really happen. But, last year was a totally different story. Jamie and I were much closer with last year's senior class, and two of the members of the class INSISTED that I have a dance off with one of them. That might sound inappropriate (it probably was looking back), but I couldn't resist the challenge.

After a brief battle with the high-school senior who's 9 years my junior, I remember one thing. It's hard to explain the pressure and the thrill of being surrounded by a circle of people (high schoolers or not) who are fixed on your every move at a moment like that. Luckily, my dance partner was a rowdy kid and garnered a lot of the attention. Case in point, I was soundly beating him in the dance competition so he took his shirt off and started jumping around crazy, so that gave me a reason to end it and to get him to calm down. Honestly, for me, it was like being in high school again, except WAAAAAAAY cooler this time.

I say all that to say this. We often look back and see our high school days as torturous (I do), but honestly, they were vital to our development of who we are today. Maybe in high school, we broke out of a shell, made huge mistakes and learned from them, had the time of your life, were miserable for four years, saw first-hand the kind of person you wanted to be, or just coasted through. Either way, it was more important than we realize and watching a bunch of 14-18 year-olds interacting with each in a social setting will bring all those memories rushing back. I suppose many people don't get the chance to go back into an environment like this, but I kind of wish everyone could. It's liberating to go back armed with 10 or so years of life experience and see all those awkward moments through much older eyes.

Brain Mush Jones

Sooooooooooooo, I was at work this morning at 7:15 for meetings that lasted till just before noon. Got home from work about 5:30 and picked up dinner (high point of day- Johnny's pizza), and I've been working on my reading summaries for the last four hours. Now, it's 11:41 PM and my brain is OFFICIALLY zapped-out mush. I'm having a very difficult time writing anything clever so I think I'll just talk about the plans for the uber-weekend ahead.

Tomorrow night is my friend's wife's birthday funstravaganza at Buffalo Wild Wings then dancetron x.7 to follow. Ok, I can't back up the dancetron part, but the funstravaganza is a go for 110% positive. Then Saturday, my wife and I are taking a short road trip over to Tyler, TX to get scammed by The Villages Resort time share salespeople. My name was drawn and I have a chance (1:53,103) of winning a new car! More than likely, I'll spend 4 hours of my Saturday saying "no" over and over again to schmoozy salespeople. But all in all it still feels like it will be fun. Then Saturday night I have free tickets to see the black crowes at the Horseshoe and 8 free drink tickets. Then Sunday, I've got family dinner with my dad's family and then dinner with my mom's family. Holy crap, this is gonna be a weekend that's thabomb.com.

My brain is now feeling strangely more engaged. It must be time to go to bed. Yep, it is.

The Child's Mind

I heard an intensely interesting conversation today at lunch. I was eating BBQ by myself and my booth faced a family of four, but not the family of four you're thinking of. It seemed to be a mother and child, and a grandfather and grandmother. I ate spicy sauce and beans and watched the grandfather playfully teasing the young boy (probably 4ish years old). They arm-wrestled, the boy stole the grandfather's hat, and they talked. I was astonished at how wonderful the grandfather was with his grandson. I must admit that I was a little jealous, because I never reallfy had a grandfather. But, as usual, I digress.

Back to the conversation. The mother is telling the story of a relative "Olivia" (cousin it sounded like) coming to visit her son. The son obviously was super-pumped about this prospect and began questioning the mother on when his cousin would arrive. So, the mother told this story...

"He asked me if Olivia (or something like that) was coming to visit him today. I told him that she would be coming tomorrow. He then asked if that would be tonight and I tried to explain to him that it would not be today but the next day. He then asked that if he laid down and went to sleep, when he woke up would that be tomorrow? (They all laughed...the grandson smiling blissfully beside his mother) I told him that's exactly when tomorrow would be and he laid down and went to sleep. The next day we were walking and he asked me if Olivia was coming today. I told him yes and he said, 'Oh, so today is tomorrow?' (Insert more laughter here)"

This is not only a cute story; it really got me thinking. At what point in a child's life do they realize the difference in today and tomorrow? When I think about the concept of tomorrow, I admit that I can see how it would be confusing. Tomorrow really never comes. Tomorrow only exists in concept. We know about today. We see today every stinking day. But, tomorrow is a trickier creature to pin down. Each today that comes brings with it its OWN tomorrow. But, clearly, at some point, the child gains the ability to recognize that tomorrow BECOMES today and that each today has a NEW tomorrow. I have to wonder if the child has the classis "AHA!" moment or simply falls peacefully into understanding. Either of these prospects seems viable to me, but I'm leaning toward the latter. I lean that direction because isn't this what happens to us all in everyday life all the time? Don't we all simply "pick things up" as we go? The difference between today and tomorrow does not seem very abstract to us now, but, then again, we're not four years old.

***** END OF BLOG *****

It's been a stressful week or three, so I feel the urge to stop writing and just think....on paper...or computer screen I guess. Something that feels light and without defined purpose. Don't read if you don't want to. Just my own quest for catharsis I guess.

Understanding drifts to me slowly like a leaf on a patient autumn breeze.
Patient like a weary mother soothing an uneasy infant.
Uneasy like a forlorn son searching endlessly for new direction.
Endless like the abiding love poured out by a dutiful wife.
Dutiful like a soldier counting down the precious days.
Precious like the hidden diamonds buried deep in the coal.
Deep and angry like the tossings of the turbulent sea.
Turbulent like the throws of my wonderful life.
Wonderful like the peace that arrives with understanding.

LIVE YOUR FREAKIN LIFE

Ok, people, I'm going to make this one brief. I'm not sure how many of my classmates actually read this, so I apologize to my group members if this sounds a lot like my most recent essay. My mom passed away a week ago today. She was riding a freaking tractor and it flipped over and killed her. Give me a break. Does this stuff really happen? Have I really lost both my parents before my 29th birthday? '

However, my mom truly goes to rest with no regrets. She lived according to her own philosophy that every moment she was alive could very well be her last. She rebuilt some burned bridges, forgave unforgiveable wrongs, and went the extra 48 miles to make sure that everyone knew how much she cared about them. It's like she knew from the get-go that she didn't have as much time on earth as the rest of us. The annoying forwards, the endless phone calls to check on us, the intense love that was admittedly a little off-putting. All of it enabled her to leave this world in peace.

At her funeral, there were so many people that several didn't even make it inside the church. What a testament to the love for a person. What a testament to how many people she reached in her life. Funny stories, sad moments, and fond memories all were present as well. Her life had been a wild ride, but ended with high notes all around. First grandchild, wonderful vacation, successful and happy children, and a great peace in her heart.

I challenge myself and all of you to live the same way. I'm already going to stay with my low-paying job b/c it enables me to spend more time with my family. I'm not moving anywhere so i can be around my brother and his new baby, who I love dearly. I'm not obligated from guilt, but by love. Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them, don't go to bed angry, if you burn a bridge take the time to rebuild it, and mend your broken relationships. It's worth it. It's worth humbling yourself. The selflessness you show will bless you like it did my mother.

Some people have no relationship with their mother and father. Some have terrible ones. i have none b/c they are both dead. However, I'll take my 28 happy years and the lessons I've learned and call myself lucky. Maybe it's not fair to have them taken from me so young, but what's fair? What's enough for us? Should have lived and been ravaged by cancer like my dad? Or survived the accident to be wheelchair bound the rest of her days? No freaking way. Not her. My heart breaks, but I am hopeful. Tears fall, but I smile. I was unlucky, but I am lucky. I miss her deeply, but I know her place is in heaven. She earned it.

Diatribe on Sports Stars

Personally, I am HUGE sports fan of both individual and team sports (collegiate or professional). I've always been interested in the business of sports and honestly, I have no problem with professional athletes being paid the millions of dollars that the contracts of today command. The level of natural ability and commitment it takes to reach this level is truly deserving of top dollar pay in this country. Not only that, but the owners, TV stations, and athletic companies are all making much larger fortunes of their own and these guys deserve their fair shares.

However!! I'm still amazed at the level of irresponsibility of today's pro athlete. I've never "walked in their shoes," but it is very difficult for me to feel compassion for a guy (Plaxico Burress) who feels the need to carry an unlicensed firearm into a packed night club in NY and gets two years in prison for shooting himself in the leg (actually for carrying the unlicensed firearm). I believe this one example speaks to a much larger problem in sports. The guys are not professionals. They bring their baggage with them into their new lifestyle, and it ends up costing them the chance at a life most of us only dream of. Is it not enough to make enough money to make you wealthy playing a sport?? Do you still feel it necessary to carry a gun when you're surrounded by bodyguards? Is it worth the risk of fighting dogs, smoking weed, drinking and driving? For God's sake, the NFL has a FREE program so players and coaches just have to make one call and someone will come pick them up and drive them home if they've been drinking. How many of us can say that?

But then again, maybe I'm being too hard on them. They are people. People inherantly make aggregious errors in judgment. I've done it. You've done it. We all have. But, for us the stakes are much lower. We can wreck our personal lives and be left with basically our own misery. For the pro athlete, the entire country is watching every move. So, we judge them. We get our feelings hurt; we say we would do different if we were in their position. But perhaps that's exactly what makes them so great at their job. Maybe the wreckless, thrill-seeker makes a PERFECT linebacker. Maybe it's that mentality to risk it all for the sake of visceral reaction that delivers the high performance on the field over and over again. Maybe the rest of us who type blogs, and do accounting, and only spectate do these things for a reason also. Our lives are much more calculated, much safer. We hide in our cubicles and take limited risks and rarely reach fame and glory.

Every time you hear the story of the sports star gone off-track, the league mandated canned apology is sure to follow. But why be sorry? Forcing contrition for actions hardly makes up for the years of encouragement to live that way that we all gave them. Hey athlete, be dangerous, be virile, be aggressive. But, make sure you don't tell anybody we said that.

Kids vs No Kids

Until recently, I've been of the opinion that new parents and generally people with kids are a little smug. Ok, parents who read this, please don't jump all the way down my throat just yet. It's just that a lot of times people act like you can't have fully experienced life without knowing the love from a child. While I realize that this is a definite possibly, I don't feel the need to be reminded of it time and time again. I feel like living in the South, there's a lot of pressure to get married and have kids at the earliest possible time. I totally believe in the family unit and someday want that to be my life. But, at this time I'm focused on school, my wife and I are traveling often, and it's a lot of selfish fun. Sure all my cousins have kids and even one of their kids has one; but I don't quite see how that translates to my mom's constant badgering and the looks of surprise that I've been married for 3 WHOLE YEARS and don't have children yet. Having kids is like some exclusive country club, that keeps out all the lowly childless so that the members can sit hiiiiiigh on their pedastal and look down at the non-members. Or at least something similar.

HOWEVER, yesterday my brother and his wife had the first baby in my immediately family yesterday and it was pretty amazing. My brother has lived kind of a scattered life with some issues along the way, but it's amazing to me how immediately changed he became when his wife got pregnant. Not to mention the exponential leap when he saw the baby for the first time. I was lucky enough to be there when the family got to visit with them the first time and I was blown away. I say all this to say that I think I get it, and I feel myself as a new uncle maybe getting....a little smug myself. When I do have kids, I'll probably be the smuggest jerk new parent on the block.

Trappings of the Bored Mind

I'm generally of the belief that every day people have thousands of totally random thoughts that go uncatalogued but are thoroughly interesting and noteworthy. I've made a habit in recent years of trying to notice some of the particularly interesting thoughts that run through my head and recount them from time to time. The only ones I can remember now actually are the more embarrassing thoughts and impulses, but I'm convinced everyone has these moments but I'm the only one willing to admit them...or at least that's what I have to tell myself so that I feel better.

One night my friends and I were eating dinner on the porch at Cantina Laredo. I recall the air was sticky and muggy and it was particularly busy that night so the restaurant was bustling. When our server brought the check and we got ready to pay, we were sitting at the table and I was fumbling my wallet in my hands. Sitting in front of me was the glass of ice water that had long before melted into just water. I distinctly remember an AHA! moment when I had the most brilliant idea...which because of its ridiculous nature, I immediately ruled out. However, I did not miss the opportunity to recall the urge to my friends at the table...imagine the looks on their faces when I described to them my desire to "dip my wallet in my glass of water."

I didn't realize the number 10 could be so tricky; but, it's shiftier than I would have originally thought. One morning while in the shower, I was generally spending time doing nothing except enjoying the hot water and steam and noticed that my shampoo bottle was advertising to me how wonderful it is. Right there on the bottle, it told me that I could have 10X (10 times) stronger hair. However the first several times I read this, I had the hardest time figuring out what the HECK "iox stronger hair" was. Luckily, I resisted the urge to ask my wife (the hair care enthusiast) about IOX...the unknown shampoo miracle that must have been some fortifying vitamin complex about which I had not yet been made aware.

Being employed by a small community bank has its advantages, but "mandatory volunteer" work is NOT one of them. We had worked for weeks leading up to the local daffodil festival called the Jonquil Jubilee and I kept reading about what the brochure called "Mini-organ concerts." After my shift at the festival, I decided to take the tour for myself and experience all the beauty the area has to offer (which is limited). The first stop on the tour was a very old church where these concerts were taking place. As I walked into the vestibule, it became clear to me that I'd made a crucial error in my mind. It was only then that I realized that the concerts were MINI, not the ORGANS....which were obviously full-sized. People at work still have a hard time believing that I thought this but why would you say "mini-organ concerts," as opposed to what they actually were, "organ mini-concerts?" Semantics, seshmantics...that's confusing!

No one would have ever known these instances, but they all are just too funny to keep to myself. A little self-sacrifice for the sake of humor is a very small price to pay. I really am ok with the very possible fact that most people have not had these experiences. I'll just chalk it up to experience and hope someone gets at least a small kick out of it like I have so many times.